Andrew Smith Dance

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A new home.

9/14/2010

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Stanford.

I'm attending graduate school at Stanford.

That sentence still seems weird to me. I hope it stays that way.

My egress was filled with tears and many hugs with my wonderful and supportive family. I am so grateful for their presence. I wouldn't be the person I am without them.

The journey down to California was appropriately lengthy, giving me ample time to take stock of my new endeavors and past experiences. With some good music and privacy, I was able to freely and openly address my emotions. Spending nine hours in a car can work wonders for your state of mind (or wreck havoc, I would imagine).

Driving down south was mostly unremarkable. I-5 was quiet the whole way. Getting into the San Francisco area was stressful as the highway lanes narrowed and more cars appeared. These factors normally wouldn't be a problem except that I had a fully loaded car so that I couldn't see out my rear view or right side mirrors. Still, I made it to Elena's without incident where I crashed for the night.

Last night was my first night spent in my new room. Boxes cover every square inch of floor space. I get a lot of balance practice trying to navigate my way around boxes to get at a pair of socks, my computer, or a toothbrush.
The move-in process went relatively smoothly. Assistance by Elena proved pivotal in maintaining good spirits and speeding up the hauling process. I was concerned about what I'd do for dinner: I had no food and little energy to prepare a proper meal for myself. Ted stepped in to save the day. Calling me out of the blue, he wished me a good day of moving and invited my over to dinner in SF. Super-Ted to the rescue! Both the food and the company were a perfect welcome to San Francisco and a new phase in my life.

The meal included: excellent wine; tri-tip; grilled peppers with cream cheese (!), sage, thyme, salt, and olive oil; sauteed spinach, and rice.

Choosing prudence over recklessness, I opted out of attending Swig last night in favor of sleep; I had signed up for a 7am ride the next day. Returning home, I was introduced to the other housemates whom all seem like fine individuals. Grad students are so much more chill than undergrad. I think I'm going to like it here.

Shaking off drowsiness (and apprehension about joining a ride that would leave me in the dust) the next morning, I rode my way out to the appointed meeting spot. I joined two other men (Ken and Sol) for a brisk (read: 15 mph average) 30-mi ride around Stanford and its environs. With flats, a four-mile climb, and descents with challenging corners, this ride provided a well-rounded cycling experience. Being a small group, it provided a low-key environment to introduce myself to the cycling group and learn more about the Stanford club. I think I performed admirably, though I was clearly less strong than the other two riders. I did manage to keep pace, however, so I'm hopeful that I'll step it up by racing season next spring.

Returning to campus exhausted, it occurred to me that I still lacked food supplies. Damn! My ravenous hunger growing difficult to ignore, I made a quick search on Google to find a nearby cafe. (Thankfully I had set up my internet access the night before -- not sure what I would've done otherwise.) Refueling on a three-egg omelette with ham, avocado, tomato, bell pepper, onion, and cheese, I finally took a moment to gather my thoughts and write this post.
It's been a busy few days and I imagine the pace will only continue to ramp up. I am grateful for these moments that allow me to appreciate my situation.

Now it's time to return to campus, unpack, explore the school, and meet people. I have my fingers crossed.
As far as the dancing life goes, it seems there's an active dance community at Stanford. Not quite sure what styles yet, but it will be good to connect with fellow dancers in school. I may even get to teach (or assist teaching) classes offered through the residence halls. We'll see how it goes. For right now, I'm just happy to be a dancer: turns out it is an exciting talking point for many people (who knew?!).

----

9/14/10

Much news! Wish I could tell, but right now I must tackle my room. I grow tired of not being able to walk in it. Will try to post later.
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Transitions.

9/2/2010

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Finally done moving out of the deLay house. Now I just need to prepare for my move to Stanford. I'm sad to see the deLay house disband, but such is life: it changes. We all move on to new and exciting stages in our lives. Seems like a lot of people I know are on the brink of something big.

I think I put so much time and energy into the move because I wanted to distract myself. It served to fill the gaping hole of time in my life that used to be occupied by Lauren. Suddenly I have this time on my hands and I don't know what to do with it. Given the nature of the situation, it's tempting to use that time to mope and feel miserable, but I know that's not healthy. It's not what either of us want.

People ask me if I'm excited to go to Stanford. Not be mean, but, well, DUH. It's Stanford. It's San Francisco. It's all the new people I'll meet, the knowledge I'll gain, the connections I'll make, the opportunities I'll seize, the growth I'll achieve.

What I can't tell them (and sometimes don't want to tell them) is that I'm also overwhelmed with sadness that this fulfilling, beautiful, intense, and nourishing stage of my relationship with Lauren is coming to a close. Just when the going got really good, it's time to stop. I wake up sometimes with tears streaming down my face because I was having this great dream about her and then remembered that she's not here. I know that will pass in time, but it's damn hard right now.

On to more positive thoughts.

First up: Tuesday Blues. Last Tuesday was special. Not because of the bands (which were fun) or the attendance (which was impressive), but rather because of the surprise jam that Jonathan organized for me. Grabbing the people that make Portland great for me, I was lead into a circle and graced with an outpouring of love and appreciation. This gesture was incredibly considerate on Jonathan's part. It also caught me at the right time: just when I'm needing affirmations of support from people, here comes a whole troupe to yell in my ears that I'm a good person.

Second up: suit shopping. It's time to look dapper, dammit. My suit just doesn't, well, suit me. Too be in the shoulders, to wide in the waist, too business-like. A trip to Nordstroms, unfortunately, yielded little success: I am simply of a different build than the average American male. (In addition, suits found on a rack these days are often too stale.) Still, the time spent hanging out with Jonathan was rewarding. He makes for a great companion. I think he'd be fantastic foLooks like I'm now in the market for a tailor-made suit. I know that'll run me up a lot of money, but it's a worthwhile investment. It's hard to deny a sharp dresser.

(As a side note: I told Lauren about my shopping plans and she gushed. Let me repeat that: Lauren gushed over something. She doesn't do that about... anything! Definitely received serious positive reinforcement over the idea of finding a new suit.)

Third up: well, actually I don't have a third up. More as a note to myself: get my life in gear. I have a big to-do list that I've been neglecting because of the moving process. Tomorrow marks a new day, one that I intend to be highly productive.


I'd like to close by sharing some poetry that speaks to me. This one is by Hafiz.

Cast All Your Votes for Dancing

I know the voice of depression
Still calls to you.

I know those habits that can ruin your life
Still send their invitations.

But you are with the Friend now
And look so much stronger.

You can stay that way
And even bloom!

Keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From your prayers and work and music
And from your companions' beautiful laughter.

Keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From the sacred hands and glance of your Beloved
And, my dear,
From the most insignificant movements
Of your own holy body.

Learn to recognize the counterfeit coins
That may buy you just a moment of pleasure,
But then drag you for days
Like a broken man
Behind a farting camel.

You are with the Friend now.
Learn what actions of yours delight Him,
What actions of yours bring freedom
And Love.

Whenever you say God's name, dear pilgrim,
My ears wish my head was missing
So they could finally kiss each other
And applaud all your nourishing wisdom!

O keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From your prayers and work and music
And from your companions' beautiful laughter

And from the most insignificant movements
Of your own holy body.

Now, sweet one,
Be wise.
Cast all your votes for Dancing!
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    Andrew Smith

    Dancer, teacher, bicyclist, engineer, student, southpaw. That about sums it up!

    Visit his personal blog:
    Life As A Southpaw

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